there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
