respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
pop tarts are not kleenex
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
