I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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