it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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