apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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