I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
