After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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