the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
