My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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