Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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