I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
