Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
