You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
