Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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