i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
