My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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