Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
