The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize