I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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