Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Houston, we have a blender
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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