Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Did I show you my penis last night?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
