imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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