i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Why can't burritos get me drunk
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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