believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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