this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
