So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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