smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize