i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
