Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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