I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
