So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
