Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
