I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
