Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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