I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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