Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
