I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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