ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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