fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
