I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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