We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
