just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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