i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize