whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
