Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
