Got a toothbrush?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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