I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
