so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
