halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
