Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
