addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
