as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
