i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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