Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize