So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
