I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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