he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i drank out of a bidet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
