The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
