I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
