I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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