Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
