He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Boobs speak an international language.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize