You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
