idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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