Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
