I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
