I think I died a long time ago.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
