Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
