I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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