i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
