you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
