Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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