I want to walk on stilts...naked
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
