I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
