Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize