Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
