my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
