Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
