Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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