I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
