I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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