If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize