you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
