I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
